The failure to forgive one another lies at the heart of more ruined relationships than any other personal failure. I don’t have statistics to back that assertion, but I believe there would be a consensus as to its veracity. Both our experience and observation would find us regrettably nodding in agreement. Many a bitter soul has found the origin of its bitterness in this very thing, the failure to restore a broken relationship.
In a discourse on issues arising from sins committed against one another, Jesus made this statement. “Take heed to yourselves: if thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him” (Luke 17:3). Breaking this simple yet profound command (and it is a command) down into its elements will help us in our dealings one with another.
First of all, it is understood that trespasses do occur and when they do, they disturb the harmony that previously existed between one another. The impetus behind Jesus’ command “rebuke him” is an earnest desire to restore what has been broken. We know that not every offense requires rebuke. Christians are to deal with one another “with all lowliness and meekness, with longsuffering, forbearing one another in love” (Ephesians 4:2). To put it in modern vernacular, we should not wear our feelings on our sleeves. Failure to suffer long with the minor mistreatments of others (which are often more perceived than real) stokes the fires of our own pride and causes us to react in passion rather than in love.
But some offenses are genuinely not to be swept aside. They must be confronted and addressed. Here is where we frequently fail. We give ourselves over to stewing about the wrongdoing and so the hardening process in our hearts begins. When we lovingly seek out the offending individual, we demonstrate that the relationship is important to us. Furthermore, we show that truth is the key ingredient to sound relationships. James instructed us “the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, and easy to be entreated, full of mercy, without partiality, and without hypocrisy” (James 3:17; emphasis added).
Jesus’ instruction does not stop with confronting the offending party, but goes on to mandate forgiveness when the offender repents. Forgiveness is the right conclusion to the matter, the very key to moving forward in any strained relationship. Oftentimes, the one offended wants his or her “pound of flesh” before extending forgiveness, an attitude more in keeping with vengeance. Yet Paul warned believers in Rome, “if it be possible, as much as lieth in you, live peaceably with all men. Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord” (Romans 12:18-19). Forgiveness builds; vengeance tears down.
Perhaps, you have difficulty forgiving others because you have never known true forgiveness yourself. Again, Paul wrote “be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ’s sake hath forgiven you” (Ephesians 4:32; emphasis added). Have you come to know the forgiveness of Christ?
From the Chaplain 